There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
