I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
