I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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