I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
