I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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