If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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