It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
