No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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