Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
