the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
