Christians are straight up FREAKS
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
