PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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