dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
