last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
