rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
