i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
