ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!

  (360): View more from Washington

  let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.

  Fav 22 2404 1185

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis

  Fav 14 3746 938

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty

  Fav 95 3410 1276

  share tweet
  

• (912): View more from Georgia

  i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day

  Fav 29 6386 1587

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside

  Fav 26 5633 946

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  soooo we both peed the bed last night...

  Fav 30 1241 7374

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....

  Fav 26 5798 1479

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"

  Fav 9 3031 1551

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand

  Fav 8 2444 703

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.

  Fav 10 1059 697

  share tweet
  

• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!

  Fav 3 1434 610

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (729): View more from

  Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.

  Fav 12 2031 842

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.

  Fav 2 1231 417

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.

  Fav 0 38 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (605): View more from South Dakota

  IT'S PERFEFT

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  ... what?

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.

  Fav 0 104 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize