Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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