Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
