my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
