We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
