I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
