i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize