I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
