don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
