OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
