you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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