You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
