We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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