I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
