so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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