ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i love accidental penises.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
