Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My ass is underappreciated
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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