god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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