I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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