guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
