My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize