Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
