are you still at the devil's house?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
