Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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