so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
