Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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