So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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