We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
