and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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