i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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