all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
