He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
