You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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