Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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