Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
areolas are like halos for boobs.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
