i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
