hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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