Porn is love you can see.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
