Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
