Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
