I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
