I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
