I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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