mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
vagina is talking i cant
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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