his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
