I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
