blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize