I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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